Crowd shot masthead ApologetiX Logo Keith Haynie plays bassBill Hubauer plays lead guitarJ. Jackson sings leadJimmy Vegas Tanner plays drums

What songs are on New & Used Hits: The Best of ApologetiX Vol. 1 & 2 (2004) Disc One (New)?

New & Used Hits is a two-disc set. These are the songs on the disc one, which is called "New":

1. Are You Gonna Be Ike's Girl? - Are You Gonna Be My Girl (Jet)
2. JC's Mom - Stacy's Mom (Fountains of Wayne)
3. The Voice of Sodom - The Boys Of Summer (The Ataris and Don Henley)
4. It's Tough (Song About Nehemiah) - This Love (Maroon 5)
5. Welcome to the Judges - Welcome to the Jungle (Guns n' Roses)
6. Back Intact - Back in Black (AC/DC)
7. Good News Bookie (Live) - Boot Scootin' Boogie (Brooks & Dunn)
8. Hotel Can't Afford Ya 2004 - Hotel California (Eagles)
9. Micah No. 5 - Mambo No. 5 (A Little Bit of ... ) (Lou Bega)
10. December 5 or 6 B.C. - December 1963 (Oh What a Night) (Four Seasons)
11. Santa Claus - Panama (Van Halen)
12. It's Not Eden - Superman (It's Not Easy) (Five for Fighting)
13. Meshach - Love Shack (B-52's)
14. Lifestyles of the Rich & Nameless - Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous (Good Charlotte)
15. Wherever You Will Sow (Live) - Wherever You Will Go (The Calling)
16. The Devil Went Down to Jordan - The Devil Went Down to Georgia (Charlie Daniels)
17. Corinthians - In the End (Linkin Park)
18. Baa! We're Lambs - Barbara Ann (The Beach Boys and The Regents)
19. Smooth Grandmama (Live) - Smooth Criminal (Alien Ant Farm and Michael Jackson)
20. Life Restored - Last Resort (Papa Roach)


Are You Gonna Be Ike's Girl
Parody of "Are You Gonna Be My Girl" performed by Jet and written by Nicholas Cester & Cameron Muncey
(Genesis 24:1-61)

Go! It's a-1-2-3 Abraham said, "Come with me
Because it looks like time for my little son to take a wife"
He said, "Go look and find him a pretty one to make his wife
Now for Isaac, c'mon and get there quick
Now he don't need nobody here go look back where I wooed his mommy
Be back soon, long way there, please go sweep in and get that girl!"
Well, I can't be Chuck Woolery; the Bachelorette's in another land, yeah!
I'm no Gene Rayburn; I should pray before Isaac's Elimidate, yeah!
I said, "Lord, who's gonna be Ike's girl?"
Well, I went toute de suite then my camels stopped to drink
Here comes a girl so fine and she gives 'em water, ain't she nice
I said, she took some time and she did just what I prayed she might
In 24 Genesis, I pondered this a bit
I put a nose ring upon her and some bracelets and Boo-yah!
I think that's who the Lord brought here -- we shall see what Rebekah says:
"Now I can lead you home with me. Bethuel is my father's name, yeah!
I know he may have much to say before I play your Dating Game!"
I said, "Are you gonna be Ike's girl?"
Now I don't need Eharmony; Bethuel gave his daughter's hand, yeah!
Ike loves Rebekah what a babe -- He's 40 years old anyway, yeah!
But she's Ike's girl, she's Ike's girl, R-E-Bekah she's Ike's girl, yeah!

Genesis 24:58
So they called Rebekah and asked her, "Will you go with this man?" "I will go," she said.

JC's Mom
Parody of Stacy's Mom performed by Fountains of Wayne and written by Adam Schlesinger & Christopher Collingwood
(Luke 2:41-52; John 1:1-14, 2:1-11)

JC's mom has got a growin' son, JC's mom has got a growin' son
JC's mom has got a growin' son, JC's mom has got a growin' son
JC caused a commotion in chapter 2 (that's in Luke)
When He did hang around at the tem-ple (way past curfew)
Did His mom get mad? Probably bit her lip (then she said)
"Jesus, dear, oh, are you trying to worry us sick?" (He's just a kid)
You know, He's not the little boy that He used to be
Her son's growin' up now wait and then you'll see
JC's mom has got a growin' son
His bar mitzvah will here before too long
JC's not 13, but He'll save the world for me
I know He might be young but time will come when JC's grown
JC's mom has got a growin' son, JC's mom has got a growin' son
JC's crew would attend a wedding later on (that's in John)
His mom came out and said, "The wine is all gone" (Now what, Son)
"Why you'd tell Me like that, Mother," JC stared (waiting there)
"Anyway," He said, "you know I'm not quite prepared (it's not over yet)
And I know that the drinking guests were panicky
But JC had some fountains of wine moved to Galilee
JC's mom has got a growing son
Made wine from water at Cana but hold on
Grape juice or Chablis that's just not the point for me
I know it won't be long till time is up and JC's grown
JC's mom had God's begotten Son
The promised One that we've waited for so long
Take a look and read John 1:1 through verse 14
I know it won't be long till time is up and JC's grown, oh oh
JC's grown, oh oh, JC's grown, oh oh
JC's deity; He's just not yet 33
I know it won't be long till time is up and JC's grown

Luke 2:51-52
Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.

The Voice of Sodom
Parody of The Boys Of Summer performed by Don Henley and the Ataris and written by Don Henley & Mike Campbell
(Genesis 19:1-38)

Nobody down below, I'm on the mountain peaks
A chill is in the air, the sulfur smell, it reeks
It's too late, can't retreat to some ghost town below
I'm tryin' to find a house far enough for our home
But I can't see you; the mountain's higher than I thought
Look how the air's coal black; this was some act of God, baby
And I can't tell you what Lot will do; I'm still in shock
After Gomorrah and Sodom have gone
I never will forget those guys, they wandered into Sodom's streets
Remember how I made them stay with me, the men in town all made a scene
Now I don't want to say what happened; things got rough
But, baby when the men attacked, they found out those two guys were angels
I can't see you; our town's been swallowed by the sun
But you were walkin' too slow, baby, why didn't you ever run
But I did tell you that lovely view would self-destruct
After the boys of Sodom were judged
All of the folks in Canaan saw the black cloud thicken in the aftermath
I heard a noise, looked straight ahead
Said don't look back, but you went and looked back
I thought I knew my loved ones, what did I know?
Those caves look good for shelter, I should just get in those, but
I can't see you and mountain climbing isn't fun
I brought our daughters out and they need a mom, baby
I can't help you, my love turned to a pillar of salt
After the boiling sulfur had fallen
I can't see you, our town's been blown to kingdom come
They got to tear old maps up and make brand new ones, baby
I can tell you my love for you will fill this song
After Gomorrah and Sodom have gone

Genesis 19:26
But Lot's wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt.

It's Tough (Song About Nehemiah)
Parody of "This Love" performed by Maroon 5 and written by James B. Valentine
(The Book of Nehemiah)

Our wall's so high you would not recognize
But fire burned and minimized the way it sat for all my life
Kissed Persia goodbye, you see I brought a plan
To get Jerusalem strong again
The wall was where I'd start -- Oh!
It's a tough task making this wall complete
We said goodbye to dinnertime and sports
There are kids making some fun of me
And I hope those boys, Sanballat and Tobias, get bored
They tried their best to keep us occupied
Said they'd come in with their knives
It's hard but we work side by side
Oh, kept saying stuff 'bout me that's just insane
Pretending I built this thing
To turn around and be the king -- whatever
This wall has taken us seven weeks
Three days till I can finish up the doors
Wal-Mart did make a good wall for cheap
But I had no choice 'cause I don't live nearby any stores no oh oh
I fixed this broken thing, repaired these openings
I ain't your average Pink Floyd guy (Nehemiah, me oh my)
I can't sing all their hits, but I know "Another Brick"
Let me sing for you 'dause I'm Nehemiah how do you do?
Ezra has taken the scroll to read
We said goodbye to sins we tried before
Four hundred and forty-four B.C. and I have no Floyd
And I can't play guitar like Gilmore
It's rough just making this song funny
We had to try and then we tried some more
And I'd like to break the monotony
We say Maroon 5 should end it at the chorus
Guess what I'm making this all up here
Read Nehemiah and Ezra right before
Work hard and pray with a fervency
But I have no voice so I so I will fade this right here for sure

Nehemiah 6:15-16
So the wall was completed on the twenty-fifth of Elul, in fifty-two days. When all our enemies heard about this, all the surrounding nations were afraid and lost their self-confidence, because they realized that this work had been done with the help of our God.

Welcome to the Judges
Parody of "Welcome to the Jungle" performed by Guns n' Roses and written by Steven Adler, Saul Hudson, Duff McKagan, W. Axl Rose & Izzy Stradlin
(Judges 17:6, 21:25)

So many gods!
Welcome to the Judges, we've got funny names
Ain't got Axl, Slash and Duff but we still rose to fame
We've got some people that you'll find a heavy group indeed
If you're watching 1400 B.C. Court TV
It's the Judges, welcome to the Judges
Let me sing it to you
Come-a come-a come-a come-a come-a come and see, see
Ooh, I wanna watch you read
Welcome to the Judges, we've tasted Canaanite ways
Israel was a chosen breed, but Israel likes to play
And they're so very cyclical with their idolatry
They get enslaved by bad guys but Jehovah sets them free
With the Judges, welcome to the Judges
You know what? Judges chapter 17, verse 6 should be our theme
Welcome to the Judges, if you're versed in every page
You learn the list starts with Othniel, Ehud, Shamgar, then you say
That you got the Deborah who helped Barak, Gideon, Abimelech
Tola, Jair, Jephthah, Ibzan, Elon
Abdon, Samson way in the back
In the Judges, welcome to the Judges
Let me sing 'em to you
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not Judge Judy Please!
I'd rather watch you sneeze
When you're tired of Wapner and you're done with Joe Brown
Joe Brown, Joe Brown, come 'round
You know where you are? You're with the Judges, baby
They're funny guys
Let's go and read through it now

Judges 17:6
In those days Israel had no king; everyone did as he saw fit.

Back Intact
Parody of "Back in Black" performed by AC/DC and written by Brian Johnson, Angus Young & Malcolm Young
(Luke 24:37-43; John 20:27; Psalm 34:20, Mark 10:38, Luke 12:50)

Back intact, yes, it's a fact
And not a bone was fractured or cracked
Yes, sir, spread the news, it's Gospel truth
Nail-scarred feet, hands are the proof
And a spear went in My side, come and check with your eyes
I kept the scars, now I'll never die, I got Sonrised, baptized
Keepin' every bone like David prophesied
'Cause I'm back, yes, I'm back, well, I'm back, yes, I'm back
Well, I'm ba-a-a-ack, ba-a-a-ack
Well, I'm back intact, yes, I'm back intact
Oh, back as a man, I'm alive again
Not a ghost, I can prove I'm not a charlatan
Yes, I'm in the flesh, here's a test
You guys can watch Me eat a couple of fish
'Cause I'm back off the rack, where I was beaten and smacked
Nobody's gonna get me now I'm over that
Take a look at the Psalms; they predicted my fate
Psalm 34, verse 20, said I'll never break
'Cause I'm back, yes, I'm back, well, I'm back, yes, I'm back
Well, I'm ba-a-a-ack, ba-a-a-ack
Well, I'm back intact, yes, I'm back intact
Out of the black!

Psalm 34:20
"he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.

Good News Bookie
Parody of "Boot Scootin' Boogie" performed by Brooks & Dunn and written by Ronnie Dunn
(John 20:30-31)

Across the country in every city of any size
Well, there's a hotel room with a Gideon's Bible
The drawer gets opened and a Bible is always found
It's got history, wisdom, music and poems
It's where you can find some hope 'cause it's a Good News Bookie
We got a good God, He ain't hard to discover
When I get a Bible, I read it cover to cover
I find me that big black book and get the Lord's advice
If you're tryin' to find the way, read it right away
Plop down with the book -- read the Good News Bookie
Whoa! Years ago, don't ya know God almighty wrote the Good News
Whoa! Bible is fact, Jack, and it's gonna outlast those other books
Whoa! It's found all around every town -- Good News Bookie
My friend just asked me, he said, "John, what about me?
"I want a copy of that leather-bonded bookie that you read
"I just was wonderin' if they got it in the stores you can buy"
I said, "It outsells every other book on the street
"But I've got one you can keep. Here's a Good News Bookie!"
Whoa! Years ago, don't ya know God almighty wrote the Good News
Whoa! Grab a little black book, it could change your outlook, you know it could
Whoa! Get saved! Turn the page! Go and pray! Good News Bookie

John 20:31
But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name.

Micah No. 5
Parody of "Mambo No. 5 (A Little Bit of ... )" performed by Lou Bega and written by Damaso Perez Prado, Lou Bega, & Zippy
(Micah 5:2)

Ladies and Gentlemen ... it's in Micah #5
Want ... to ... read verse 5
2 in Micah in the Bible cause it prophesies
To the little town of Bethlehem and
The Lord says it once was pretty puny
But it's really important
In about 700 B.C.
Old Micah said the Son of God would be
Born eventually, prophetically in Bethlehem Ephrathah
The birthplace of King David
Now you get the Savior
So what can I do to really thank You my Lord
I see Your birthday is just around the corner
Anything I buy, it's all Yours
Tell me somethin' to get You, I'm stumped here
A little bit of Hannukah -- candlelight
A little bit of caroling -- songs outside
A little bitty wreath -- that's small and green
A little bit of tinsel -- on my tree
A little bit of Santa -- just for fun
A little bit of Mary -- she's Christ's mom
Oh little town of Bethlehem -- in the sand
A little baby, too -- hey, He's the Man! Micah No. 5!
God's Son came down -- They moved Him all around
Came to Bethlehem town but then Herod tracked Him down
So His mom and dad left -- on one sad night
Went down to Egypt -- and once Herod died
Nazareth was -- the place that they'd reside
They said it looks like this kid is gonna be the Christ
Trust it! I trust it! Micah No. 5 -- ha, ha, ha
Micah 5:2 -- God above has a bird's-eye view
His human Son was prophesied. You can read it in Micah 5

Micah 5:2
"But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, though you are small among the clans of Judah, out of you will come for me one who will be ruler over Israel, whose origins are from of old, from ancient times."

December 5 or 6 B.C. (Oh Holy Night)
Parody of "December 1963 (Oh What a Night)" performed by the Four Seasons and written by Robert Gaudio & Judy M. Parker
(Colossians 2:16-17, Romans 14:4-6)

Oh, holy night -- Late December 5 or 6 B.C.
Was a special time in history
In Bethlehem -- oh, holy night
Oh, holy night -- You know we still don't even know the date
The time of year or month when Jesus came
Celebrate it every night
Oh, I -- I got a funny feeling that the Lord ain't amused
When we fight-- about which holidays we all should use
Oh, holy night -- It's not timing that's the vital thing
Jesus never changes seasonally -- Late December or July
Why raise a fuss about which holy days are better?
Those things are shadows now and Jesus is all that matters
Oh, holy night
Scholars ain't sure 'bout the birth of our Lord
It could 6 B.C., 5 B.C. 4
The current way we figure out time was not designed
Till 500 years after Christ arrived and died
And the guy who tried to find the right time when Christ had died
And design the time line with B.C. and A.D.
Should get a B, C, or a D for sloppy math
And maybe a new abacus on top of that
Oh, wow, Co-loss-i-ans 2:16, let no one judge you
In regard to sabbaths, holidays or what's good food
Oh, holy night
Put the tinsel on the tree tonight
Read along in Romans 14:5 -- Celebrate it when you like
Frankly in the valley of death He's a powerful shepherd in December
Or whatever date the calendar sets
I think I counted 11 months without it and yet
The Christmas holiday gets a vast amount of attention
So I thought I would mention that we don't know just when the
Holy blessed event took place -- It might have been May
The Bible ain't specific about the month or the day
With Orthodox Christmas it's January 6th
For the rest of us Christians December 25th
But the most important thing is that Christ is Lord and King
And that's all the more reason to lift up the Lord Jesus
In all the four seasons
The Christmas rush may be over in December
But up in Heaven they'll be praising the Lord forever
Oh, holy night

Colossians 2:16
Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day.

Hotel Can't Afford Ya
Parody of "Hotel California" performed by the Eagles and
written by Don Felder, Don Henley & Glenn Frey (Luke 2:7)

And it came to pass that "one of these nights" was a silent night
And soon there was a "new kid in town"
But by the time King Herod's soldiers arrived "in the city"
He was "already gone"
From a dark desert highway we pulled into the inn
Rome called for a census -- I was from Bethlehem
Up above from a distance a star was giving me light
My wife was heavy cause her child was due -- We had to stop for the night
So we stood in the doorway of Bethlehem Hotel
And I was thinking to myself, "I hope to Heaven they'll give me some help"
But they told us no-can-do and they sent me away
"There's a place around the corner though where you both can stay"
Welcome, but the hotel can't afford ya
Such a lovely place but we're out of space
Ran out of room and the hotel can't afford ya
It's the time of year -- with the census here
My wife was definitely gifted -- That's what the Lord's angel said
She was about to have a baby boy while still virgin
Spent the night in a barnyard -- cheap slumlord's rent
Some night to remember -- some night to forget
So because of what happened I was grieving for my wife
I said, they probably haven't cleaned in here since B.C. 65
Animal voices were calling for straw and hay
Keep you up through the middle of the night just as if to say
Welcome, but the hotel can't afford ya
It's a lovely place, but we're out of space
Holiday rush and the hotel can't afford ya
What a nice surprise for your silent night
He was born that evening and shepherds came that night
And they said, We are all just visitors here -- of the Holy Christ
And in an ass's manger, they found the boy asleep
They started gettin' teary eyed so they went back to their sheep
Last thing I remember there were wise men at the door
They had a bunch of packages from the place they were before
We're late, said the wise men, We had problems Christmas Eve
We've been checking out your shiny light all through the Middle East

Luke 2:7
and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

Santa Claus
Parody of "Panama" performed by Van Halen and written by David Lee Roth, Alex Van Halen & Edward Van Halen
(Luke 2:11)

Mom, Dad! What's that sound?
Here he comes -- don't call the cops now
That dude -- heard about his attitude
Naughty kids will get -- zero Christmas gifts
Don't you know he's coming Christmas Eve?
I'm gonna toss and turn -- I'll get up!
Santa Claus, Santa Claus
Santa Claus, Santa Claus (oh ho ho ho ho)
Ain't nothin' like him that I've ever seen
Got to fly around the world -- he's a human sardine
How'd you -- climb on down my chimney flue?
Got my mom and dad comin' to my bedroom:
"Don't you know who's coming Christmas Eve?
Don't lose Him in the rush!"
I give up! Huh?!!
Santa Claus, Santa Claus
Santa Claus, Santa Claus (oh ho ho ho ho)
Yeah, there's somethin' the little kid forgot tonight
I can barely see the star for the tree comin' off of it
If I reach down I can see the manger
Reason for the season
Gift buying -- time's flying
Got to find the real true meaning
Got the feeling something's missing
Christmas shopping ain't no fun without
Son of God, Son of God
Son of God, Son of God, (oh ho ho ho ho)
Son of God, Son of God, (oh ho ho ho ho)
Son of God!

Luke 2:11
"Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord."

It's Not Eden
Parody of "Superman (It's Not Easy)" performed by Five for Fighting and written by John Ondrasik
(Genesis 3:1-24; 1 Timothy 2:1; 1 John 1:8)
Originally released on "Adam Up" (2003)

I can't stand to lie; I got that from Eve
I just had a bite; You gave her, Lord, to me
I warned her at first; I more than explained
That's more than some pretty fruit beside a snake
And it's not easy to be deceived
I wish that I could hide, find a pile of leaves
Finally we're wise, now my home I'll never see
There may be a curse upon me like Eve
But even she will have a righteous seed
I may be just dirt, but once she conceives
Even we may have our rights redeemed
But it's not easy to be with Eve
Told us get away, away from here, but it's all alright
We can all be grounded tonight
I'm not angry or anything
I can't stand to fight; I'm not mad at Eve
Men weren't meant for pride; it clouds the things they need
I'm only a man, but still You said she'd
Be pregnant with kids tonight and that's one way we
Know there's a plan, so Lord we'll yet seek
Looking for special things inside of Eve, in spite of me
In spite of me, inside of Eve, in spite of me
I'm only a man in Genesis three
I'm only a man lookin' for a seed
I'm the only man and there's only just Eve
And it's not Eden
It's not easy to leave here

Genesis 3:12
The man said, "The woman you put here with me she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it."

Parody of "Love Shack" performed by the B-52's and written by Frederick Schneider, Catherine Pierson, Keith Strickland & Cindy Wilson
(Daniel 1:7, 3:1-30; 1 Peter 4:12-13)
Originally released on "Adam Up" (2003)

Hey, there's three real famous guys in the Bible you know
And the in-between guy's name is Meee-shach!
Meschach, yeah, yeah
I read about them in Daniel one day
Look in chapter 1:7 babe
And then you can go get their names
They got treated harsh by the king of the world (go get their names)
When they didn't bow down to his gold statue (go get their names)
They got in a crisis and just about perished from burnin' up
Hey, king, your joke's not funny
Well-a Meshach was an Israelite faced with
Mean King Neb'chadnezzar
Meshach, baby ah Meshach baby
Meshach, baby, Shadrach, Meshach, baby, Shadrach
Ah, babe, Abednego's last
Simon says, kneel and pray fools
You must do as the law says!
Well, sittin' way back in the middle of a field
There's a 90-foot statue; ya gotta pray to that
Glitter on the statue didn't make the guys pray
Even if they got scorched, they would trust in Yahweh
Well-a Meshach was an Israelite faced with
Mean King Neb'chadnezzar
Meshach, baby Meshach baby
Meshach Neb'chadnezzar's mad
Meshach's no scaredy cat
Huffin' and a hissin' guess he wasn't bluffin'
Nebuchadnezzar shoved 'em in the hottest of ovens
But hold on kiddies
Cause everybody's movin' around and around and around and around
Nebby got confused and said, "I thought we threw them in with
Ropes tied 'em up now guys how'd they get out?
There's four bodies movin' there's another dude in there and
Come here, Meschach want you to come back!"
Often a crisis looks as big as a whale and you're about to get nailed
But God isn't far, He sees you now buddy
So come on and pray you're cool, stop running
Wait, wait, wait on the Lord, baby! Talk a little louder soldier
Wait, wait, wait on the Lord baby! I can't hear you!
Wait, wait! On the Lord, baby! Wait, wait! On the Lord!
Wait, wait! On the Lord, baby! Batman!
Girls, what?!! Same tune trust me
Meshach, baby, Shadrach (Ah, baby, trustworthy chaps, yeah)
Meshach, baby, Shadrach (Ah, baby, trustworthy chaps)
(Hope you learned a lesson standin' in the oven with a-Meshach)

Daniel 3:26
Nebuchadnezzar then approached the opening of the blazing furnace and shouted, "Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, servants of the Most High God, come out! Come here!" So Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego came out of the fire ...

Lifestyles of the Rich & Nameless
Parody of "Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous" performed by Good Charlotte and written by Benji Madden & Joel Madden
(Luke 12:16-21, 16:19-31, 18:18-30; 1 Timothy 6:6-10; Matthew 6:19-21, 19:16-30; Mark 10:17-30; Proverbs 16:8, 22:1; John 12:8; Galatians 2:10; James 2:5-6, 15-17)
Originally released on "Adam Up" (2003)

I know a scene you ought to see
I read it in Luke 16
So let me be I wanna set the scene
A wealthy dude his name's unknown inside his sprawling home
Stuffing his mouth with that life of ease
While Lazarus is thin and weak, down the driveway on the street
I don't think he will survive
If he could get that nameless dude to feed him some leftover food
He'd take the crumbs now as they'd fall, if they would fall
Lifestyles of the rich and the nameless
The solid gold bracelets don't make you blameless
His money is not the problem
He forgot Lazarus; Think Jesus saw them
Did you know the rich and nameless dude eventually died
And when he woke up things were on the fiery side
With Lazarus across the chasm and Abraham talked to him
He said, "You know it's really hot in here, my throat is cracked
Send Lazarus to me, O Father Abraham
He can always just run some water down to me"
"I'd like to help you get a drink," Abraham said, "Honestly,
I don't think that would suffice
But he's already paid his dues
Now he is somewhere else than you
You think that's someone else's fault? Maybe not"
Lifestyles of the rich and the nameless
They're always so shameless
God plays no favorites
It's funny yet such a shocker
How he demanded, "Bring me some water!"
Lifestyles of the rich and the nameless
The one with no status God made so famous
It's funny to watch the process
Because somebody prosperous He made anonymous
Lifestyles of the rich and the nameless
Designer clothes get spots and holes; Let's shop at Payless
Lifestyles of the rich and nameless
Lights out for the rich and nameless
Find out what 2:16 James says

Luke 16:19-21
"There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day. At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores and longing to eat what fell from the rich man's table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores."

Wherever You Will Sow
Parody of "Wherever You Will Go" performed by the Calling and written by Aaron Kamin & Alex Band
(Matthew 13:1-30; Mark 4:1-20, 4:26-29; Luke 8:1-15; Isaiah 55:10-11; Psalm 126:5-6; 1 Corinthians 15:35-45)
Originally released on "Adam Up" (2003)
"Live" version recorded in 2004

So lately you're wondering who really cares to take Christ's grace
Well, Christ taught that seeds of new life get scattered on Earth's face
If a grain of wheat shall fall, yeah, fall upon good soil
In between the sand and stone, Good News makes that crop to grow
Yes, I've learned that Christ's word will grow wherever you will sow
Wait a while, hold out hope -- it grows wherever you will sow
And maybe you're fried now, afraid you've wasted bags of grain
You watered, you tried to do your darnedest, all in vain
If as great a faith as Paul's can follow after Saul
Then there's hope for someone out there who you think rejected you
Yes, I've learned that Christ's word will grow wherever you will sow
There's all kinds of ground though it grows wherever you will sow
Some it may hit the rocks, some it may hit the road
Some it may hit the thorns
I know now there's dry ground but lives you love might still grow strong
Give their hearts some more time and state the truth for all mankind
Yes, I've learned that Christ's word will grow wherever you will sow
We all cry, we'll shout though -- as Psalm 126 will show
We might return back cryin' Christ's word is never useless though
Read Isaiah 55 by verse 11 you will know
It grows wherever you will sow

Psalm 126:5-6
Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him.

The Devil Went Down to Jordan
Parody of "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" performed by Charlie Daniels and written by J. T. Crain Jr., W. J. DiGregorio, F. L. Edwards, C. F. Hayward, J.W. Marshall, and C. Daniels
(Matt. 4:1-11)
Originally released on "Grace Period" (2002)

The Devil Went Down to Jordan
Parody of "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" performed by Charlie Daniels and written by J. T. Crain Jr., W. J. DiGregorio, F. L. Edwards, C. F. Hayward, J.W. Marshall, and C. Daniels
(Matt. 4:1-11)

The devil went down to the Jordan -- He was lookin' for a show to steal
He was in a bind 'cause Jesus came to find the people willing to make it real
And he came upon the Son of Man saw Him in the desert and was prayin' to God
Then the devil jumped upon the chance to tempt Him, said "Boy, let me tell ya, it's hot!"
"I guess you wouldn't show it, but I can tell you're craving food
"And kid I'm scared this desert air might get the best of you
"Now you ain't been eatin' your vittles boy, but, kid, your dinner is due
"So if you're really God's son, then turn these stones to bread and I'll butter it for you."
The Lord said, "I am hungry, but that would be a sin
"Cause it ain't by bread man's gonna be fed but by the Word God's given him."
John the Baptist washed the Lord and there's where it all starts
Cause Jesus left the Jordan and the devil hit Him hard
And if He wins we get to walk on Heaven's streets of gold
But if He sins, the devil gets your soul
The devil took Him up in space and said, "Christ, start to throw
"Yourself off of this temple top as I'm watchin' from below
"Cause I'm sure You know that God will bring all His angels to assist
"And then men would believe that You're Him if they saw You did something like this"
When the devil finished, Jesus said, "Well, you're temptin' God, old son
And it's written down in that book right there that thing shouldn't ever be done"
Shout from the mountain what God's done -- The devil ain't a match for the rising Son
You can never tempt God, did you not know -- Man, he doesn't live by bread alone
The devil finally said, "Jesus, if You'll just worship me
Then I'll give you gold that glitters, all these crowns, and all You see"
Jesus said, "Devil, just turn on back 'cause I'm never gonna buy your scam
I love God too much, I'm gonna resist -- I'd suggest you'd better scram!"
And we say CHORUS

Matthew 4:1
Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil.

Parody of "In the End" performed and written by Linkin Park
(1 Cor. 13)
Originally released on "Grace Period" (2002)

It starts with love
Young thing -- I don't know why
You didn't read the letter our Lord supplied
With that in mind I revised this rhyme to explain to you guys all I know
Love is a wonderful thing
Watch the fly guys with the Benjamins sing
Watch the countdown that the MTV plays I got ticked by the way
It's so unreal -- Britney and Jennifer Lo
Watch the wardrobe -- looks like a window
Tryin' to hold on to itty bitty clothes
You pasted them on -- this is not true love
I guess everything's a hybrid breeding love and pride
In small jealous hearts
What it gets to be is essentially just a parody
Like this rhyme is of Linkin Park
You tried so hard -- but love's so far
Corinthians -- it doesn't even matter
If love's too small -- you lose it all
Corinthians -- first letter, thirteenth chapter
Love waits -- it's also kind
It doesn't envy, brag, or grow hard with pride
Keeps things polite, doesn't like to fight
It denies itself, while it tries no harm
If I have the faith and philosophy
Acting like I was smarter than Socrates
And every language and tongue and prophecy
I could die and not go far
If at the stake they burned me or
I could've given every dime to many poor
If love's lackin' throw me back then
Buddy, Paul wrote that to Corinthians
It bears everything, besides, believes and hopes, abides
That Paul fella's smart
Love he said to me will eventually keep no memory
Of your crimes 'cause it finds no fault
It likes what's just and true
Dislikes what's unrighteous though
Failure is the only one thing it can't know
The things that last are few
Just have faith and love and hope
From all these, there's only one thing you need most

1 Cor. 13:13
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Baa! We're Lambs
Parody of "Barbara Ann" performed by the Beach Boys and the Regents and written by Fred Fassert
(Psalm 23, John 10:1-30, Matt. 25:31-46, Heb. 13:20, 1 Peter 2:25, 5:4, Luke 10:3)
Originally released on "Grace Period" (2002)

Baa Baa Baa Baa Baa we're lambs
Baa Baa Baa Baa Baa Baa
I'm a lamb -- in God's hand -- I'm a lamb
He's got a flock of lambs who know Him
Robbers cannot steal 'em from His hand
Baa Baa Baa Baa we're lambs
Went through the fence, lookin' for some friends
God saw me scram so He brought me back again
Cause I'm a lamb in God's hand
You got to follow where He's goin'
God'll take you in the Promised Land
Tried many moves -- Tried getting loose
Tried petting zoos but I knew they wouldn't do
Cause I'm a lamb in God's hand
You got to follow where He's goin'
God'll take you in the Promised Land
Baa Baa Baa Baa we're lambs
Baa! We're lambs, Baa! We're lambs, Baa! We're lambs ...

John 10:8
All who ever came before me were thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not listen to them.

Smooth Grandmama
Parody of "Smooth Criminal" performed by Alien Ant Farm and Michael Jackson and written by Michael Jackson
(1 Tim. 5:5, 2 Tim. 1:5)
Originally released on "Grace Period" (2002)
"Live" version recorded in 2004

As he came up to the window, heard the sound of Barry Manilow
He came into her apartment, smelled the Ben Gay and the chocolate
She was sitting at the table, he could see she had a Bible
So she ran into the bedroom, got her teeth down and her perfume
Granny, are you OK, you OK, you OK, Granny? (4X)
Granny's not an old maid, she's a zealot with a bold faith
She's a kind-hearted widow and she bought you a Nintendo, last week
You came into her apartment, left the mudstains on the carpet
And then she ran into the bedroom, she was knelt down, it was for you
Granny likes to crochet, and croquet, and quote Dear Abby
Granny causes road rage in the slow lanes, she's no Andretti
Granny's got the whole day to go pray for all her family
You've been hit by, you've been struck by, a smooth grandmama
So she came into the hallway, it was Sunday, had a snack made
Then the book of Revelation was the topic of conversation
Granny says, you know, babe, the Lord says in verse 3:20
He's standing at the doorway, so don't waste a moment, honey
And you gotta go pray or else, babe, He won't gain entry
Then you told her OK, I want saved, I'll go pray, Granny
Granny told you, OK, first you tell Him that you're sorry
Believe He died for your sins, though
And accept Him and repento -- Whammy!
He came into your heart then, you were prostrate on the carpet
Then she ran you to the next room
You were sat down, there was more food
Granny karaokes to old tapes of Sandi Patty
You've been hit by, you've been struck by, a smooth grandmama
Granny had a roast made and potatoes that were homemade
And she buys Poppin' Fresh Dough
So she baked you some crescent rolls, man, eat!
You came into her apartment, and the blessings only started
And then your Granny took and fed you
You were stuffed now; it was her food
Granny brought you cold grapes and poached eggs and bowls of candy
Granny brought you milkshakes and fruitcake, keep Rolaids handy
Granny's artichokes make your throat gag so don't take any
And before you go, babe, you must take a roast beef sandwich

2 Tim. 1:5
"I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also."

Life Restored
Parody of "Last Resort" performed and written by Papa Roach
(Romans 3:10-23, 5:8, 6:23, 8:1, 10:9)
Originally released on "Keep the Change" (2001)

Plug my life into Jesus -- this gets my life restored
Such a cakewalk -- no brainer
Don't need to fuss if I call on our savior
This gets my life restored
Plugged my life into Jesus -- I've seen my life restored
Such a cakewalk -- no brainer
Don't need to fuss since I called Him my savior
Do not even care if I die later
Cause I belong to Jesus Christ
If they took my life tonight -- chances are I'd arrive
In a place that's out of sight -- and I'm confident I'm doin' fine
'Cause I'm improving my life, renewing my mind
This all started with Romans 10:9
Doing what's right, doin' quite fine
This all started with Romans 10:9
I never realized I was meant to live
To live a new life if I would let Him within
Told me -- death is the payoff for living in sin
End the cycle when you're born again
It all started when I first discovered
The Book on my shelf and read cover to cover
Searching -- to find religion that held my attention
Finding -- something called Christian redemption
'Cause I'm improving my life, renewing my mind
This all started with Romans 10:9
Doing what's right, doin' quite fine
This all started with Romans 10:9
I'll be all right -- I'll be just fine
You're runnin' out of time
I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine
I can't go wrong living this way
Plug my life into Jesus
This gets my life restored
Selfish nature -- don't need it
Go give it up -- you can conquer your demons
Would it be wrong for me to pry
If you give your life to Christ -- Chances are dynamite
You will make it out alive -- and I'm confident you'll do it right
'Cause I'm improving my life, renewing my mind
This all started with Romans 10:9
Doing what's right, doin' quite fine
This all started with Romans 10:9
I'll be all right -- I'll be just fine -- You're runnin' out of time
I can't go wrong livin' this way -- Can't go wrong living this way
I'll be all -- right

Romans 10:9
That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.