Crowd shot masthead ApologetiX Logo Keith Haynie plays bassBill Hubauer plays lead guitarJ. Jackson sings leadJimmy Vegas Tanner plays drums
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03.01.24A Serious Problem We're Trying to Address
02.29.24How to Donate Online or by Mail
02.29.24How to Get the ApX Library, USBs, Multiple Downloads
02.29.24All About Our Next CD
02.29.24Influential Albums: 1388-1394
02.29.24This Week's Bible-Reading and Rock Thru the Bible
02.29.24Easter Season Playlist 2024
02.25.24This Week's News Bulletin
02.25.24USBs Include New Single & Next CD
02.25.24Over 1650 Tracks for $100
02.25.24Buy Our Next CD, Get 1 of 40 Free
02.22.24Get Ready for Our Next CD
02.22.24Influential Albums: 1381-1387
02.22.24This Week's Bible Reading and Rock Thru the Bible
02.22.24Wayne Is Retiring, What's Next for Him and Us?
02.22.24The Stories Behind the Songs on This Single
02.19.24This Week's News Bulletin
02.19.24Get Multiple Downloads for One Donation
02.19.24New Single: Billy & The Beach
02.16.24Influential Albums: 1374-1380
02.16.24This Week's Bible Reading and Rock Thru the Bible
02.16.24Remembering ApX Friend Paul "Doc" Nigh (1956-2024)
02.16.24Clues for 2024 Single #4
02.10.24Influential Albums: 1367-1373
02.10.24Fans Making Plans to Attend Our Big Show September 1
02.10.24This Week's Bible Reading and Rock Thru the Bible
02.10.24The Stories Behind the Songs on This Single
02.06.24This Week's News Bulletin
02.06.24New Single: '74 & '83
02.03.24ApX Lead Singer/Lyricist Shares His Testimony 36 Years Later
02.03.24Influential Albums: 1360-1366
02.03.24This Week's Bible Reading and Rock Thru the Bible
02.03.24Latest CD Added to iTunes, Spotify, Pandora, Etc.
02.02.24Clues for 2024 Single #3
01.29.24This Week's News Bulletin
01.26.24Influential Albums: 1353-1359
01.26.24How to Get the ApX Library, USBs, Multiple Downloads
01.26.24This Week's Bible-Reading and Rock Thru the Bible
01.26.24Flashback: J.'s Vision for ApologetiX in 2014
01.26.24J.'s Vision for ApologetiX in 2024
01.26.24The Stories Behind the Songs on This Single
01.24.24Checking in With ApX Alum Drummer Fred Behanna
01.22.24This Week's News Bulletin
01.22.24New Single: '70s #1 Hits That Remade '60s Top 10 Hits
01.19.24Influential Albums: 1346-1352
01.19.24Encouraging Message from Longtime Fan in Oklahoma
01.19.24This Week's Bible-Reading & Rock Thru the Bible
01.15.24This Week's News Bulletin
01.12.24Influential Albums: 1339-1346
01.12.24The Stories Behind the Songs on This Single
01.12.24Rock Thru the Bible with ApX This Week
01.12.24New Testament Reading Started Wednesday
01.11.24New Worship Songs Available from ApX Alum Bill Rieger
01.08.24New Single: '81 & '83
01.08.24New CD BOGO Ends Sunday
01.08.24New USB Thumb Drives on the Way
01.05.24Clues for 2024 Single #1
01.05.24Influential Albums: 1332-1338
01.05.24Have You Heard About the Other Music City Miracle?
01.05.24This Week's Bible Reading & Rock Thru the Bible
12.29.23Influential Albums: 1325-1331
12.29.23Rock Thru the Bible with ApX This Week
12.28.232023: A Record-Breaking Record-Making Year
12.28.23The Stories Behind the Songs on This Single
12.26.23This Week's News Bulletin
12.26.23New Single: 1974 & 2008
12.23.23Influential Albums: 1318-1324
12.23.23Rock Thru the Bible with ApX This Week
12.23.23ApologetiX Updated Christmas Playlist
12.18.23This Week's News Bulletin
12.18.23New Samson CD Mailed to Fans, New Orders Sent as They Come In
12.16.23Influential Albums: 1311-1317
12.16.23Rock Thru the Bible with ApX This Week
12.16.23New Story
12.16.23The Stories Behind the Songs on This Single
12.11.23This Week's News Bulletin
12.11.23New Single: '83 & '84
12.11.23ApX Apparel: Order by Tuesday with Express Shipping
12.07.23New ApX Apparel and More: Order Soon for Christmas
12.07.23Influential Albums: 1304-1310
12.07.23Just Reword CD Added to iTunes, Spotify, Pandora, Etc.
12.07.23Clues for 2023 Single #25
12.04.23This Week's News Bulletin
12.02.23Influential Albums: 1297-1303
12.02.23This Week's Bible Reading & Rock Thru the Bible
12.02.23The Stories Behind the Songs on This Single
12.02.23New Shirts & Other ApX Merch Coming Soon
12.02.23Rock Thru the Bible with ApX This Week
11.28.23This Week's News Bulletin
11.28.23New Christmas Single: All '80s
11.24.23Influential Albums: 1290-1296
11.24.23Rock Thru the Bible with ApX This Week
11.24.23Clues for 2023 Single #24
11.16.23All 71 ApX CDs Available as Downloads for $9.99 Each
11.16.23Influential Albums: 1283-1289
11.16.23The Stories Behind the Songs on This Single
11.16.23Rock Thru the Bible with ApX This Week
11.12.23This Week's News Bulletin
11.12.23New Single: #1 Hits from '81 & '86
11.09.23Rock Thru the Bible with ApX This Week

An Open Letter from ApX Alum Keyboardist CVB
Thu., Feb. 20. 2020 4:54pm EST

ApologetiX alum keyboardist Chris VonBartheld asked us if he could share some thoughts with you in the newsletter. Here's what he had to say:

An open letter to the ApX fandom

Yes, it's been a while, and CVB is very much still alive and well. "Alive and well" -- I never thought about what that phrase actually means and how so casually we say it.

If you know me, then you know that I went through a lot of personal trauma in 2019. I am happy to say that I was able to come out the other side. However, it was touch and go there for a little while. And that is what I want to talk with you about.

You see, I will be the first to admit that I never thought depression was a real thing. I come from the school of just pick yourself up and move on. Last year, I shut down. I don't mean I slowed down, I mean that because of everything that I was going through, I shut down.

Now, as it turns out, I had been suffering from depression since I was a child and just didn't know about it. Why would I ? Depression, anxiety -- they didn't even exist back when I was a kid.

Thanks to friends, doctors, pastors, and a special shout-out to J. Jackson and Eve Tanner (Jimmy's wife), I was able to pick myself up, at least enough to get back in the fight. J. told me that one day this will make a great testimony. At the time, I didn't want to hear that, but recently God put it on my heart to write this to you.

We as Christians and the Church in general have to change our views on the way we deal with depression, anxiety, etc. We need to learn that just because we have God doesn't mean we don't need doctors or the medication they provide.

Now, don't get me wrong; I don't like medications in general, and I understand the need and all the concerns. But only speaking for myself, the medications that were prescribed for me helped me get to a state of even so I could stand up and get the help I needed.

Believe me, I was curled up like a ball in a chair or in bed and couldn't move, didn't want to, and didn't see any point in it. It gets so bad that you start wondering why alive is a better choice, and that's the truth. I was there. I started thinking about why am I still here, what's the point? So yes, I had suicidal thoughts. Deep down I'm just not that guy.

I don't know where any of you are at. I just want to say that if you have any of these issues you need to reach out to someone. It was hard for me to do it, but I had too. You have to just get past the stigma and embarrassment and say I need help.

Maybe you can't go to family or friends for whatever reason. But find someone. Hey I'll put my email at the bottom, email me. I and everyone would much rather deal with you saying you need help, rather than finding out after it's too late.

I have a new respect for mental illness and I will spend time and effort talking about it. Looking back, I realize I have lost many friends over time that I could have been a much better friend to. So from now on I will.

Doctors, friends and pastors can and will help, but get under the blood, open up the Bible, and ask Jesus for help. He is listening, even if you don't know it.

But, hey, what do I know? That's just the view from where I sit.

CVB
kosmicjustice@gmail.com