An Open Letter from ApX Alum Keyboardist CVB
Thu., Feb. 20. 2020 4:54pm EST
ApologetiX alum keyboardist Chris VonBartheld asked us if he could share some thoughts with you in the newsletter. Here's what he had to say:
An open letter to the ApX fandom
Yes, it's been a while, and CVB is very much still alive and well. "Alive and well" -- I never thought about what that phrase actually means and how so casually we say it.
If you know me, then you know that I went through a lot of personal trauma in 2019. I am happy to say that I was able to come out the other side. However, it was touch and go there for a little while. And that is what I want to talk with you about.
You see, I will be the first to admit that I never thought depression was a real thing. I come from the school of just pick yourself up and move on. Last year, I shut down. I don't mean I slowed down, I mean that because of everything that I was going through, I shut down.
Now, as it turns out, I had been suffering from depression since I was a child and just didn't know about it. Why would I ? Depression, anxiety -- they didn't even exist back when I was a kid.
Thanks to friends, doctors, pastors, and a special shout-out to J. Jackson and Eve Tanner (Jimmy's wife), I was able to pick myself up, at least enough to get back in the fight. J. told me that one day this will make a great testimony. At the time, I didn't want to hear that, but recently God put it on my heart to write this to you.
We as Christians and the Church in general have to change our views on the way we deal with depression, anxiety, etc. We need to learn that just because we have God doesn't mean we don't need doctors or the medication they provide.
Now, don't get me wrong; I don't like medications in general, and I understand the need and all the concerns. But only speaking for myself, the medications that were prescribed for me helped me get to a state of even so I could stand up and get the help I needed.
Believe me, I was curled up like a ball in a chair or in bed and couldn't move, didn't want to, and didn't see any point in it. It gets so bad that you start wondering why alive is a better choice, and that's the truth. I was there. I started thinking about why am I still here, what's the point? So yes, I had suicidal thoughts. Deep down I'm just not that guy.
I don't know where any of you are at. I just want to say that if you have any of these issues you need to reach out to someone. It was hard for me to do it, but I had too. You have to just get past the stigma and embarrassment and say I need help.
Maybe you can't go to family or friends for whatever reason. But find someone. Hey I'll put my email at the bottom, email me. I and everyone would much rather deal with you saying you need help, rather than finding out after it's too late.
I have a new respect for mental illness and I will spend time and effort talking about it. Looking back, I realize I have lost many friends over time that I could have been a much better friend to. So from now on I will.
Doctors, friends and pastors can and will help, but get under the blood, open up the Bible, and ask Jesus for help. He is listening, even if you don't know it.
But, hey, what do I know? That's just the view from where I sit.