Crowd shot masthead ApologetiX Logo Keith Haynie plays bassBill Hubauer plays lead guitarJ. Jackson sings leadJimmy Vegas Tanner plays drums

What songs are on New & Used Hits: The Best of ApologetiX Vol. 1 & 2 (2004) Disc Two (Used)?

New & Used Hits is a two-disc set. These are the songs on the disc two, which is called "Used":

21. Bethlehemian Rhapsody - Bohemian Rhapsody (Queen)
22. The Real Sin Savior - The Real Slim Shady (Eminem)
23. Story of a Squirrel - Absolutely (Story of a Girl) (Nine Days)
24. I Love Apostle Paul (Live) - I Love Rock 'n Roll (Joan Jett & the Blackhearts)
25. Pray Now (Lost Art) - All Star (Smash Mouth)
26. Livin' What Jesus Spoke of - Livin' La Vida Loca (Ricky Martin)
27. Learn Some Deuteronomy (Live) - Pour Some Sugar on Me (Def Leppard)
28. Choirboy - Cowboy (Kid Rock)
29. Jail Got Rocked - Jailhouse Rock (Elvis Presley)
30. One Way - One Week (Barenaked Ladies)
31. Enter Samson - Enter Sandman (Metallica)
32. Kick in the Wall - Another Brick in the Wall Pt. 2 (Pink Floyd)
33. Put You Down in My Will - Push (Matchbox 20)
34. Walk His Way (Live) - Walk This Way (Aerosmith)
35. Narrow Way to Heaven - Stairway to Heaven (Led Zeppelin)
36. Love & Kisses (Live) - Rock and Roll All Nite (KISS)
37. Naomi Gonna Be With Ruth - Only Wanna Be With You (Hootie & the Blowfish)
38. People - Pepper (Buttonhole Surfers)
39. Bad Dude Risin' - Bad Moon Risin' (Creedence Clearwater Revival)
40. Jacob's Name Is Israel (Live) - Takin' Care of Business (Bachman-Turner Overdrive)


Bethlehemian Rhapsody
Parody of "Bohemian Rhapsody" performed by Queen and written by Freddie Mercury
(1 Samuel 17)
Originally released on "Keep the Change" (2001)

Is this a real guy? Is he just fantasy?
'Cause of his grand size, no one's safe from fatality
Open your eyes, look up at Goliath, and see:
I'm dressed for war, boys. I need no infantry
Because I'll meet the one you propose
Israelites, pick my foe
Anyway, I'll win, so it doesn't really matter to me
Mama, there's still no man who can come against this threat
You might figure now we're dead
Mama, Goliath is testing us
And know he's gonna know they're all afraid
Mama, ooh ooh ooh, he's a mean and crazy guy
He'll come right back again this time tomorrow
Scaring us, scaring us -- cause he wants to meet in battle
Hooray! My time has come
Been a shepherd all my life -- but I'm taking on this giant
Goodbye, everybody -- but not for long
God will lead me all the while I face this brute
C'mon! Ooh ooh ooh!
(David you're a wimp though) I'm not gonna die
The One who wins my battles is Lord of all
I see a little silly shepherd — not a man
What are you tryin' to prove? You'll be chewed up and mangled!
Send a boy to fight me? Very, very tiny flea!
Gol-la-liath! Gol-la-liath! Gonna die you big galoot!
I'll kick your butt!
I trust the Lord but nobody trusts me
He trusts the Lord, but suffers from insanity
Daring to fight 'gainst this monstrosity
Evil comes, evil goes -- You will get deposed
I will not, no! I will not get deposed
Yes, you will (Repeat)
Your head will roll
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Come-to-me-a! Come-to-me-a! Let the eagles pick your bones
Beelzebub and his devils gonna fight for me for me for me
So you think you can scorn me and spit at my tribe?
So you think you're above me just based on your size?
Oh, baby ... you ain't just duelin' David
You're gonna get it now -- cause God'll win my battle here
Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah!
Guys I'm really flattered — yet it wasn't me
God wins every battle — God wins every battle for me
David will be king soon

1 Samuel 17:12a
Now David was the son of an Ephrathite named Jesse, who was from Bethlehem in Judah.

The Real Sin Savior
Parody of "The Real Slim Shady" performed by Eminem and written by Marshall Mathers, Andre Young & M. Bradford
(Rom. 3:10, 3:23, 5:8, 6:20, 6:23, 8:1, 10:9, 13, Ps. 51:5, 17, John 8:36, 1 Timothy 1:15)
Originally released on "Keep the Change" (2001)

May I have your repentance please? May I have your repentance please?
Will you tell Him "Save me" and please stand up?
I repeat ... will you tell Him "Save me" and please stand up?
We're gonna have to prod them here
Y'all act like you never seen a nice person before, you oughta hope in the Lord
Your panting tongue is just thirstin' for more
You started lookin' around searchin' cause you're
Uncertain you're sure you know where you're goin' eternally
If you return to God ... ah, wait, no, wait, we're sinning
We couldn't get saved with the things we did, can we?
And Dr. J. says — nothing you did is such a grave sin it costs you salvation
Ha Ha — Heavenly livin's above every man — Chick-a-chick-a-chick-a he's crazy!
I'm sick of them "born agains" walkin' around askin' if you know God
Speakin' of You Know Who — Yeah, but there's no proof though"
Yeah, probably got a couple of you who think I lack proof
But no worse than what's goin' on in America's classrooms
Sometimes I wanna get on TV and just spread the truth
But can't, but the school can tell me we come from evolution
"My mama was a fish, my mama was a fish
"And if we're monkeys you might as well forget original sin!"
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
And expect them not to question on their own if God exists
Of course they're gonna wonder if the Lord's fake by the time they hit fourth grade
They got the Easter Bunny and Santa don't they? We ain't shinin' examples
Well some of the scandals are caused by people posin' as evangelists
But if Jesus loved His enemies and Pharisees
Then there's no reason that you can't get another chance and believe
But if you feel a slight chill I got the anti-freeze
This is not a fantasy — it's important and it's free
I've sinned greatly, but Christ's for real, baby
It's a wonder He saved me and just didn't hate me
So won't you tell Him "Save me" — please stand up, please stand up, please stand up
Yes, I've been crazy, yes, I've been real shady
Always wanted Him to save me, but just didn't say it
So won't you tell Him "Save me" — please stand up, please stand up, please stand up
Will Smith don't gotta discuss the Christian path to salvation
Well, I do — it affects him and affects you too
You think I give a care of he likes my parodies
Half of you kiddies won't even look at me, let alone stare at me
But J., what if we pray? Wouldn't we be weird?
Why? Would you guys reject Christ just to fit with your peers
So you can live in fear for the next 60 years — this ain't imaginary better get prepared
The price of sin yes it costs us dearly with death first
And when that part is over if you ain't saved it gets much worse
Little chance they'll put me now on MTV
Yeah, it's true, but I think he'd scare all the kids — ree ree!
I said now's when they oughta know and John 3:3
It shows the whole world how they need born again to be free
I'm singin' you little girls and boys spoofs — all you do is ignore me
Though I have been sent here to inform you
And there's a million of us just like me you judge like me
Were just like triple fudge ice cream; we're just quite sweet
You watch Saul in Acts 9:3 — You just might see
You're just like him — You're not fightin' me
I've sinned greatly, but Christ He still saved me
From a hundred temptations and death, sin and Hades
So won't you tell Him "Save me" —please stand up, please stand up, please stand up
Yes, my sinned shamed me, yet I've been healed lately
God the Father forgave me from messin' with Satan
So won't you tell Him "Save me" — please stand up, please stand up, please stand up
I'm like a breath mint you listen to but I'm only givin' you
Things you thought about in your head with my religious group
The only difference is I got the call to say it in front of y'all
And I don't gotta be Paul -- the Book I quote has it all
I just get out a Bible and read it and whether you like it you need it
As sure as I can see that better than 90 percent of you happen to doubt me
Then you wonder how can kids give up their values I tell you it's funny
Cause at the place I'm goin' when I'm buried
I'll see the only person in the world I know who's worthy
He's the first and last and I'm J. Jackson I'm the worst
And I'm a jerk and Jesus knows that but my braggin' wasn't workin'
And every single person needs a sin savior urgently
You could be working on a burglary or sittin' in a nunnery
Or keepin' part of the law perfectly screamin' "I don't sin that much"
Puttin' Christians down sayin' "It's just a crutch"
So if you're still waiting please stand up 'cause this wonderful singer's time is eaten up
And it's time to get off your behind and out of the row
Come on down — now is your chance -- how do I know?
I guess there's a sin Savior for all of us Let's all stand up

1 Timothy 1:15
Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners -- of whom I am the worst.

Story of a Squirrel
Parody of "Absolutely (Story of a Girl)" performed by Nine Days and written By John C. Hampson
(Genesis 6-8, 2 Peter 2:5, 3:3-9, Matt. 24:37-39, Heb.11:7)
Originally released on "Keep the Change" (2001)

This is the story of a squirrel
Whom God preserved when He drowned the whole world
And while things looked so dark and Noah's ark
Was absolutely flooded -- yet she's fine
How many days were they there?
Afloat in the boat it was over one year
And how come the world didn't prepare?
Meteorologists said it would clear
How could they stand that raining?
Where was the hope in the souls of the crew?
Life on the waves is severe
When it's Gilligan's Island combined with a zoo
But Noah was aware the world would get sprayed
And the rain would never fall in quite the same way
But two of every creature would come out of things O.K.
This is the story of a squirrel
Whom God preserved when He drowned the whole world
And while things looked so bad and Noah's raft
Was absolutely flooded -- yet she's fine
Have they discovered the place
Where the boat came to rest when the rain was all drained?
Why don't we climb up its face?
Walk up the mountain from Genesis 8?
It's probably still there waiting
There in the snow in the cold altitude
How do we get there today
When you walk into Turkey and hiking's refused?
They've closed up the Ararat Mountains these days
There's terrorists there besides -- it ain't safe
And they're 17,000 feet high -- I think we'll wait
This is the story of a squirrel
Whom God preserved when He drowned the whole world
And while she took no bath and those giraffes
Were absolutely stubborn -- yet she's fine
Well, you're told to prepare as well and get saved
And the end of the world it might be on the way
But you'd never think you'd run out of time today
This is the story of a squirrel
Whom God preserved when He drowned the whole world
And when we look close at Jehovah's wrath I absolutely shudder
This is the story of a squirrel
I tried to sing it about the old girl
But all this went so fast -- I've noticed that
I accidentally snubbed her -- yet she's fine -- Oh, yes, she's fine

Matthew 24:37
As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man.

I Love Apostle Paul (Live)
Parody of "I Love Rock 'n Roll" performed by Joan Jett & the Blackhearts and written by J. Hooker & A. Merrill
(Acts 9, 2 Timothy)
Originally released on "Spoofernatural" (2000)
"Live" version recorded in 2004

I saw him standin' there writin' letters in chains
I knew he once had been a proud Pharisee
His faith was kind of strong
In God's favorite Son
And I could tell he didn't belong in prison with me, yeah me
And I could tell he didn't belong in prison with me, yeah me
Singin' I love Apostle Paul
He put a lotta lines in the Good Book baby
I love Apostle Paul
From Romans into Philemon yes indeed
He smiled, so I got up and asked "Were you framed?"
"Well, that don't matter," he said, "'cause I'm not ashamed"
"For Jesus to take me home I need to be in Rome"
When execution comes you'll see I'll be free, yeah free
When execution comes you see, I'll be free indeed
His letters won't take you long You need to read them all
So let's get movin' on and read 'em with me, yeah me
And we'll review them all and see what became of Paul
(In Second) Timothy

2 Timothy 1:8
"So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God ..."

Pray Now (Lost Art)
Parody of "All Star" performed by Smash Mouth and written by Greg Camp
(Luke 11:9, Luke 18: 1-8, James 4:1-3, Matt. 6:33, Matt. 7:7, Luke 17:5,
Matt. 17:20)
Originally released on "Spoofernatural" (2000)

Somebody once told me "The Lord is not your roadie
"You ain't the star so do it yourself."
I said, "Look, it's kind of dumb
If if there's things that I need done
It's a shame not to call on the Lord's help."
Well, my prayers start comin' and they don't stop comin'
I read through the rules and I think I found somethin'
Didn't make sense not to get more done
I pray real hard cause the Heavenly Son
Showed what to do, said knock and seek
So what's wrong with praying and asking
You better go look in Luke, bro
11:9 if you don't know
Pray now it's a lost art get your day underway
Pray now get a jump start get a move on get faith
God is listenin' you know only you can start prayin' though
There's a cool case so you're prayin' gets bolder
You look it up Luke 18 yeah, let's go there
When the meanest of men met the widow
Judge he was, you know if you have the right scripture
But I see his patience is gettin' pretty thin
The woman gets annoyin' so he might as well give in
The world's like that how about the Lord
God already likes ya and you'll never get ignored
Pray now it's a lost art get your day underway
Pray now fourth chapter let me show ya in James
God is listenin' you know only you can start prayin' though
Somebody once asked Jesus give us the capacity
To get ourselves a faith that is great
He said, "Well, why ya want help?
"You could move a little hill yourself
"If you would all use a little faith."
Well, my prayers start comin' and they don't stop comin'
I read through the rules and I think I found somethin'
Didn't make sense not to get more done
Pray it smart cause the Heavenly Son
Showed what to do, said knock and seek
So what's wrong with praying and asking
You'll never know if you don't go
You better try if you don't know
Pray now it's a lost art get your day underway
Pray now get a jump start get a move on get faith
God is listenin' you know only you can start prayin' though

Luke 18:1
Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.

Livin' What Jesus Spoke Of
Parody of "Livin' La Vida Loca" performed by Ricky Martin and written by R. Rosa & Desmond Child (John 3:3, Revelation 3:20)
Originally released on "Spoofernatural" (2000)

He's been through crucifixion That cat's been through it all
Christ's real; He ain't religion God's Word's gonna save your soul
He's into new creation Proved it when He came alive
He's God are you a Christian? Forget those pagan lies
He'll make you take your cross up
And go stand against the grain
He'll make you leave this crazy life
But He'll take away your shame
If you're truly born again - C'mon
Let Christ in right now
Livin' what Jesus spoke of
Don't pussyfoot around
Livin' what Jesus spoke of
You'll live forever then
And your sins He will dispose of
He will bail you out
Livin' what Jesus spoke of (3x)
Wake up, you know you're sinnin'
And it's fun till it leads to hell
He took your part and He took your punishment
He wants to save me and you as well
Your newer nature's goin' to make your older friends complain
But once you have a faith in Him you'll never be the same
Cause I think you're gonna change C'mon
He'll make you take your cross up
And go stand against the grain
He'll make you leave this crazy life
But He'll take away your shame
Bite the bullet and get saved - C'mon

John 3:3
In reply Jesus declared, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again."

Learn Some Deuteronomy (Live)
Parody of "Pour Some Sugar on Me" performed by Def Leppard and written by Steve Clark, Phil Collen, Joe Elliot, Robert John "Mutt" Lange & Rick Savage
(Romans 7:1-4, Galatians 3:19-25, James 2:10, Deuteronomy 27:26, Habakkuk 2:4, Leviticus 18:5)
Originally released on "Spoofernatural" (2000)
"Live" version recorded in 2004

(Get with Christ ... walk in faith)
(You and me need ... His grace!)
Livin' by the law, babe, you're gonna get it wrong
Livin' by the law will make you dead and gone
Look at God's commands in Leviticus and
Then in Deuteronomy you'll see it man
Actually you'll have to read in chapter three tonight
Of Galatians verses 19 through 25
Small crimes, any crime puts you in deep
Christ is the Savior, sayin' look at Me (Yeah! Yeah! C'mon!)
Take your Bible Shake it off
Everybody breaks the law
Learn some Deuteronomy can you name those laws
Learn from Deuteronomy c'mon try because
Learn your Deuteronomy you ain't good enough
God's Law is tricky to keep born again you must be, yeah
(Listen!) Read* the Bible, yeah we're liable, Jesus died though
Grace is livin' Romans 7:1 and 4
There have been 613 written Bible laws
We ain't exaggeratin' the Jews said so (the Jews said so)
You gotta read Leviticus 18 and read a little more
Deuteron'my 27, Habakkuk 2:4
Small crimes, any crime puts you in deep
Read it in James 2:10 I'm sure you'll see
(Yeah! Yeah! Read a little more!)
You come to Jesus Christ's got the key
Jesus says come to me
Cause God's law (law) is so hard it's tricky to keep
Born again (yeah) amen you must be
(Cause you're just a sinner)
(Want some more proof?)

(NOTE: 613 laws from the Old Testament are catalogued in the Jewish Talmud)
*Pronounced as the past tense of "read" (i.e. "red")
All other occurrences of the word in the song are present tense.

James 2:10
For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it.

Parody of "Cowboy" performed by Kid Rock and written by R.J. Ritchie, M. Shafer, J. Trombly & J. Travis
(Matt. 21:42, Mark 12:10, Luke 20:17, Psalm 118, Isaiah 28:16)
Originally released on "Spoofernatural" (2000)

Well I'm uh back in the fourth grade and I'm uh 10 I guess
When weird women thought we kids all lived to take tests
Kinda kept to myself real shy kid
I liked old rock songs and the pop'lar hits
There was a kid talkin' 'bout a choir they got
Said a lot of the spots were not locked because
The guy who taught with the choir was still fillin' the rows
And lots of kids couldn't sound the notes
And he told me it's fun to sing with the choir
Get known as a kid that God set apart
Said to me you wanna? I'm gonna go
Try out for the choir fella you should come along
Start attendin' church service in robes just like Jesus
And get a spot in the Four Tops or Four Seasons
That rocks! Cause I'm a real good voice
And I'm takin' that test, sucka, because
I'm gonna be a choirboy baby
With a top 10 smash and the nuns all smiling
(Choirboy baby) Guess who's chillin' with the boys' choir
(I'm gonna be a choirboy baby)
Shinin' my light while the people pray
(Choirboy baby) A cappella singer from a higher plane
I let him hear my little vocals and he said, "You're in"
I go "Ah ah ah ah ah" I dusted my friend
Told him "You won't do there's no gown in your size"
Well that's his loss my gown it fits fine
They told me "Believe in Jesus Christ"
I'll get Him after this part of my exciting life
Cause if I time this right I'm gonna make like a Beach Boy
And let California girls know why they all need a choirboy baby
Better stop that act everyone's not buyin'
(Choirboy baby) Just like Dylan with a good voice
(I'm gonna be a choirboy baby)
Hidin' my life while I seem O.K.
(Choirboy baby) I can tell a fib with a smiley face
Yeah it rocked you can call me "blessed"
Only something's missin' and I gotta confess
Seems the sin that's in my head is growin' wild and fast
And it'd get this kid kicked right out of Mass
No kidding I'm sittin' in church gettin' real bored
Call the cops 'cause I'm lost
Where's the cross and the Lord?
Felt remorse and embarrassed and I tried to get right
Felt like hangin' down my head and hangin' up my life (Huh!)
Got famous rocked the eleventh grade 'cause
Director picked me for my senior play yes
Got to wear make-up rock band came up
They told me sing lead but then the band breaks up
Pride had got a grip on me
Robbed me of the sort of faith I'd need
I didn't know Jesus I just would beg Him for favors
Finally straight out of college I made Him my Savior
Now life's a pleasure this guy's legit
I'd always heard that Christians were radical idiots
I make it my biz to dispel that notion
And keep on trustin' Him with all my devotion
(Choirboy) with a rock band that's into song rewritin'
(Choirboy) spend all my time at finding words that rhyme
(Choirboy) ridin' at night cause the gigs I play
(Choirboy) might be held at 800 miles away
(Choirboy) with ApologetiX backin' the songs I'm rhymin'
(Choirboy) with a top 10 smash and the Son's inside me.

Matthew 6:1
"Be careful not to do your acts of righteousness before men to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven."

Jail Got Rocked
Parody of "Jailhouse Rock" performed by Elvis Presley and written by Jerry Leiber & Mike Stoller
(Acts 16:23-34)
Originally released on "Biblical Graffiti" (1999)

Warden threw Paul and Silas down in jail.
The prisoners around 'em thought their plans had failed.
It started somethin' when the boys began to sing.
It shook the earth a lot and let the jailbirds spring.
In the stocks -- everybody was shocked.
Every door in each cell was unlocked when the Macedonian jail got rocked.
Silas started praisin' and it cracked some stone.
Little do they know it was a sign of what's to come.
A rumblin' noise it hit the boys and smashed those chains.
It broke the Richter scale -- it was a powerful thing
From the throne of Heaven came a thundering.
Tore right through the jail rather effortlessly.
They should've used a seismograph but honestly
They wanted to but it was 51 AD
Macedonia prison in the time of Rome
Was more like California when it all was done.
The warden said, "Hey buddy, could you please explain?
Can you tell me what to do so I'll get saved? Let's talk!"
"If you just believe on the Lord Jesus Christ
Warden, you can now repent and change your life.
Would you like forgiveness?" And he said, "Yes, yes!
"You gotta stick around, I'm gonna get my kids! Let's talk!"

One Way
Parody of "One Week" performed by the Barenaked Ladies and written by Lloyd Edward Elwyn Robertson
(Matt. 7:13-14, 13:24, John 6:44, 14:6; Luke 13:23-24, Acts 4:12, 1 Cor. 8:5-6; Deut. 5:7, 6:4, Exodus 20:3)
Originally released on "Biblical Graffiti" (1999)

It's been one way take a look and see
Up to Heaven -- the Bible says it plainly.
False faith and philosophy can't get ya to Heaven -- come back to Jesus.
He's the way and the living truth
You realize that all those false gods couldn't help you.
Yes indeed, He's forgiven me, and He can still get you saved if you say you're sorry.
Holy cow they got you hoodwinked -- with the pagan god thing.
I think you're lookin' at also rans.
But some of this superstition though it might be called religion
Finds find you sizzlin' with the devil in the fryin' pan.
It's not like the Bible says it one time
More like 300 times -- it says there's only one avenue.
First C'rinthians chapter 8:6 -- the Bible says this.
You try to tell me that it's not true.
I think you're makin' a mistake -- I'd like to take and wake and shake ya.
Like to tell you how to find yourself the way there.
Cause Jesus showed us and we know where every soul is gonna ago.
Unless n' they confess Him as their Lord and Savior.
I cannot help it if I think there's one way and you're mad.
Tryin' hard not to sin but you're still bad.
There's a time to die and after the funeral.
Then you'll understand what I mean when it's too real.
I have a tendency to stand behind John 14.
John 14:6 could be my favorite Bible verse.
It's been one way -- take a look and see
Deuteronomy says it pretty plainly.
5:7 the passage reads: "You shall have no other gods before me."
(You can) read Exodus halfway through.
You read that line in chapter 20 'cause it's there, too.
Yes, indeed, chapter 20, verse 3.
Now, it's written in two places for you, and you saw it.
(Catch your breath here)
Check into China — the Chinese Christians.
They haven't done zip but they're chained up in prison.
Cause they read their Bibles with the lights on or cause they prayed once
Or cause they spoke on their religion.
In America it's more like getting dandruff -- They see you stand up.
They snicker when they see you passin' by.
They'd cure us all of all our bad flaws -- They wanna make laws.
But if they did they'd have us sterilized.
They get upset at anyone who tries definin' God above.
They're so alarmed they always try to start attacking.
Their attitude is that you're rude and that no truth is absolute anyway, babe
So let them think the wrong thing.
I cannot help it if I think there's one way into Heaven.
Kinda hard to ignore Matthew chapter 7.
I can find the line in Acts chapter 4:12.
Cannot be saved by the name of someone else.
I have First Timothy to verify my beliefs.
There's quite a bit to read but 2:5's the verse.
It's been one way -- take a look and see.
Drop your guard and your pride and say I'm sorry.
Bible says what you have to do.
It says if you just confess that Christ is Lord -- He'll come in you.
Believe that He's risen, too -- You'll realize you're born again -- I wouldn't tease you.
Yes, indeed, we can all be saved
But there will still be too many who won't say their sorry.
And still Jesus waits till we say we're sorry.
And still Jesus waits so please say you're sorry.
At least God don't speak in code like Hammurabi

Enter Samson
Parody of "Enter Sandman" performed by Metallica and written by Kirk L. Hammett, Lars Ulrich & James Alan Hetfield
(Judges 13-16)
Originally released on "Biblical Graffiti" (1999)

See my hair, it's so long! How'd I get so strong? There's a clue in this song.
I've got you pinned! Always win! Rip you limb from limb when old Samson is done!
See this one guy only whippin' your Philistines!
Exercise isn't why! Shave my head! I'll be just another man!
Something's wrong 'cause my might headed south tonight in the arms of Delilah
She was a thorn in my side, she would nag and cry and I think she's a spy
Sleepin' when I woke up, in came the Philistines
Exit might! End of sight! Chained my hands! Took me to another land!
SPOKEN: Now they made me blind and weak -- They cavort and hold a feast
If I die a foreign slave, pray the Lord these poles to shake
Watch little pagans! Don't fail me Lord!
They made me blind I'm sure you've heard
Make this a feast they won't forget
Bring their bloodshed on their heads!
Make things right! End their lives! Take a stand!
Take this life! End it right! Take my hands! Crush them into desert sand! Boom!

Kick in the Wall Pt. 2
Parody of "Another Brick in the Wall Pt. 2" performed by Pink Floyd and written by Roger Waters
(Joshua 6, 2 Cor. 10:3-5)
Originally released on "Biblical Graffiti" (1999)

We don't need no ammunition.
Victory's in God's control.
The dark side cannot win the battle.
We believe in Him alone.
Praise beats ya -- even Jericho!
All in all let's just say God will kick in the wall.
All in all we'll just pray God will kick in the wall.

Put You Down in My Will
Parody of "Push" performed by Matchbox 20 and written by Rob Thomas & Matt Serletic
(Isaiah 59:15-17, 1 John 4:10, Romans 5:8, Hebrews 13:8)
Originally released on "Biblical Graffiti" (1999)

He said, "I know no-one has ever been good enough
I'm a little disgusted, yet I'll think up a plan for saving them
And they don't know that the devil plays really rough
But if Man would trust me, I've still got somethin' left to give
And it's a little bitty baby
Well, this ain't over -- no, not yet -- Not while I still need to go down
You don't know Me -- but I'll save you -- Yeah, I'll bless you real good
I wanna put your name down in my will, in my will
I wanna give you a crown, and I will, and I will
I wanna save your poor planet
I wanna save you, poor planet. Yeah, yeah, and I will."
I said, "I don't know why You ever would die for me
When I'm a criminal suspect, and the things I do are gonna hurt Ya
And I don't know why You didn't just stay up there
You made a plan to redeem me when my faith wasn't even worth a dime
'cause I'm a little unworthy"
"Well, don't ya understand it?" Said my King to me
"'cause I've been waitin' all along for you
It's in Romans 5 verse 8. First John 4:10 explains it all"
"Although you don't know Jehovah
Just pray to Me and I'll come in your heart, it may sound crazy, maybe
Just trust Me baby -- I'll rush to save ya, save ya"

Walk His Way (Live)
Parody of "Walk This Way" performed by Aerosmith
and written by Joe Perry and Steven Tyler
(Acts 3:1-12)
Originally released on "Jesus Christ Morningstar" (1998)
"Live" version recorded in 2004

Bad-footed brother, I was hopin' to recover but the doctors I'm sad to say
Said "We can't do nothin' so you're down on your luck because
You're sure to be lame to stay."
It was clear to me that what I needed was to be the kind of guy you could
never resist
Had to beg for my supper with a system I discovered
When I started as a little kid -- like this! LEAD
See my sign sayin' "Give a coin to the poor"? Could you please find
somethin' to spare?
I'd say, "Hey, give a little bit of pity to a cripple!"
When it seemed like they didn't care
But I took a big step as the Bible says with some Christians who were ready
to pray
Cause it seemed my feet was ruined but they knew what they was doin'
When the both of them appeared today
And they told me to ... walk His way (4x) They just gave me a gift -- like
So John and Peter -- was a passin' by this afternoon for prayer time today
at three
I said, "Please, I'm beggin' -- put some gold in my pockets!"
When they told me, "Baby, look here at me!"
I was a-quite confused I never made it with my legs
Until their voice told me somethin' was diff
They said, "Forget those treasures 'cause we got a better favor."
And they gave me just a little gift like this LEAD
Things started tinglin' and the boys gave a pull with my feet flyin' up in
the air
Sayin', "Hey, it's a miracle!" It's really pretty clear because I didn't
have to sit in a chair
So I took a big step with my right foot and left
With those Christians who were ready to pray
Was a really big improvement 'cause they knew what they was doin'
When they told me now to walk His way -- I'm goin' to
Walk His way (8x) He just gave me a gift -- like this!

Acts 3:6
Then Peter said, "Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk."

Narrow Way To Heaven
Parody of "Stairway to Heaven" performed by Led Zeppelin
and written by Jimmy Page & Robert Plant
(Matt. 7:13-14, 13:24 John 6:44,14:6)
Originally released on "Jesus Christ Morningstar" (1998)

There's a way Jesus showed all us sinners must go
And He called it the narrow way to Heaven
If to get there's your goal -- with a pure heart and soul
In His Word you can get what you came for
Ooooooh and he described it right there in Matthew 7
There've been signs all along but you want to be sure
Cause the road sometimes swerves as you're reading
In the free Bible book, there in John 3:16, come find how all our faults are
Two ways to ponder -- two ways to ponder
There's a freeway of death and it hooks to the left
And the steering and driving is easy
It is not quite as seems -- see that smoke, feel the heat
Hear the voice of the Lord who stands knockin'
Ooooooh ... it takes you under. Ooooooh ... it really takes you under
And it's His Word that's true -- if we all follow through
Then the Bible will lead us to Jesus
And the true way will dawn -- on those who've read John
Chapter 14 verse 6 and thereafter Ooooooh ...
If there's a possible dead end road -- don't be a lost man
It's best to think before you take it
Yes, there are two paths you can go by -- but there's a wrong one
But there's still time to change the road you're on
Ooooooh ... can it take you up there?
You're headed somewhere but it won't go the place you wanna go
If Christ has called and you avoid Him
The way to Heaven's very narrow, and did you know
It's very wide on the way to Hell? LEAD
Where will you wind up down the road -- a shadow land or street of gold?
There is a Way that we all know -- He shines bright light on words that show
How every man will turn to dust -- but if you let Him in your heart
The Truth will come to you at last -- and our Lord warned us where to go
And He was God -- He ought to know
And He called it the narrow way to Heaven

Matthew 7:13-14
(Jesus is speaking) "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."

Love & Kisses (Live)
Parody of "Rock and Roll All Nite" performed by Kiss and written by
Paul Stanley & Gene Simmons
(Deut. 6:5, Matt. 22:36-38, Mk. 12:28-30)
Originally released on "Jesus Christ Morningstar" (1998)
"Live" version recorded in 2004

You know Moses and the things of God -- The 10 Commandments and the Jewish
You try to find which one's the greatest
You say you wanna know where it is -- It's part of Deuteronomy chapter 6
You try verse five; you'll find it baby
You read about it -- You need to shout it
I love the Lord with all my might -- my heart and everything (4X)
The people came to Jesus Christ for a while
They looked for answers and they liked His style
You tell us, Christ, which law's the greatest?
"Love the Lord with everything you've got,"
Jesus said, "Well, that's My first law
"Do all this while you love your neighbor."
Don't even doubt it -- You need to shout it CHORUS

Deuteronomy 6:5
Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

Naomi Gonna Be With Ruth
Parody of "Only Wanna Be With You" performed by Hootie & the Blowfish and written by Mark Bryan, Dean Felber, Darius Rucker & Jim Sonefeld
(Ruth 1-4)
Originally released on "Ticked (Rolling Clone)" (1997)

Ruth and me, we come from different worlds
She was a Moabite, I was a Jewish mother's girl
In time, she married a son of mine.
It's such a shame because because my son and husband died
But there's nothin' I could do ... I said, Ruth, I'm gonna go back home
She looked at me, she had something left to say
I'm gonna follow you and with you I will stay
I won't let ... you just leave. Because, Mom, I love you, and you are my
And there's nothin' you can do. Naomi's gonna be with Ruth
I will call on your God, too ... Naomi gonna be with Ruth
Went home to live in Bethlehem, seen all my friends
I said, "My family collapsed when all the men died
"But Ruth has not abandoned me, turned my life to bittersweet
"She was married to one of my sons, and when he died, she came with me
"I better help her find a hubby ... a lonely man who needs her, too
"Somebody local ... Naomi gonna see her through
"You can call me 'old school' ... Naomi gonna see her through
And I think I know just who ... Naomi gonna see with Ruth
Sometimes I wonder what would have been
If she'd abandoned me when I told her to back then
Ruth had a baby ... and down the line
Great grandson David, yeah, he was the one who fought the giant
And there's the King of the Jews. I know you've heard of Jesus, too
You can call Him, Lord, too ... He's family with me and Ruth
Yes, He came from out of Ruth ... Naomi wanna be with Ruth
Naomi gonna be with Ruth

Parody of "Pepper" performed by the Butthole Surfers and written by Jeffrey Coffey, Gibby Haynes & Paul Walthall
(Revelation 6:9-11, Matthew 5:10, 24:9)
Originally released on "Ticked (Rolling Clone)" (1997)

James was caught by Herod, Herod captured Peter
They were sharin' Herod's outbreak of attacks upon believers
James would have to face the sword and Peter would escape it
They were not afraid of dyin'; they both knew that they could take it
Thomas preached in Babylon and India they claim
Then the local folks impaled him with a lance while he was prayin'
They were all about to die but they weren't thinking much about it
And their story didn't have a chance but none of 'em were doubtin'
Why oh why would someone die if it was just a hoax?
Why then take the awful risk to tell us Jesus rose?
Simple men from Galilee would not have spoken lies
To get enrolled in history books as martyrs for Jesus Christ
Simon died along with Jude from arrows, spears or crosses
Someone gave Bartholomew a skin-removal process
Some of them were stoned alive like James the son of Alphaeus
And their stories are the evidence that none of them were doubters
Why oh why would someone die if it was just a hoax?
Why then take the awful risk to tell us Jesus rose?
Simple men like you and me would not have spoken lies
To get well known in all the books as martyrs for Jesus Christ
A lot of guys were crucified for calling Him Messiah
Philip died and Andrew did and possibly Matthias
Peter's was a most unpleasant death for being Christian
They would turn him upside down and then go through with crucifixion
Paul he was beheaded prob'ly Matthew did the same
Well, they threw off of the temple top the other guy named James
They were all about to die but they weren't thinking much about it
That's a gorey bunch of evidence that none of them were doubtin'

Bad Dude Risin'
Parody of "Bad Moon Risin'" performed by Creedence Clearwater Revival and written by John Fogerty
(2 Thessalonians 2)
Originally released on "Radical History Tour" (1994)

I see a bad dude arisin'; I see the devil on the way
I see a master of disguises; I see the world led astray
Don't fall for the lies 'cause he's just a fake, not Christ
There's a bad dude on the rise
I read in Second Thessalonians; I know the man is comin' soon
He'll set himself upon the throne and he'll get the world to play his tune
Don't get all surprised 'cause he comes before the Christ
First the bad dude must arise
He'll bring the countries all together. They'll see his miracles and signs
They'll think this world is gettin' better. They'll find he's really anti-Christ

2 Thessalonians 2:3-4
Don't let anyone deceive you in any way, for (that day will not come) until the rebellion occurs and the man of lawlessness is revealed, the man doomed to destruction. He will oppose and will exalt himself over everything that is called God or is worshiped, so that he sets himself up in God's temple, proclaiming himself to be God.

Jacob's Name is Israel (Live)
Parody of "Takin' Care of Business" performed by Bachman Turner Overdrive and written by Randy Bachman
(Genesis 25:26, 32:28, 35:10)
Originally released on "Radical History Tour" (1994)
"Live" version recorded in 2004

When Jacob was born he took a long time comin'. Took the ankle of his older brother
They were twins, but Jake was later; Esau was his father's favorite
'Cause he spent his time as a hunter
And every single time, Jacob had to wait in line
He started then to strive to get his way
He was just a little boy; he was mama's pride and joy
He loved to work with mother all day
But now, now, Jacob's name is Israel — What'd you say?
Jacob's name is Israel — By the way, I said
Jacob's name is Israel — 'Cause he strived
Jacob's name is Israel — The father of the tribes — All 12
You could read in Genesis how Esau burst into the kitchen
And said, "Jacob, give me some stuff to swallow!"
Jacob said, "Sell me your birthright!" Esau said, "What is it worth right now,
I'm dyin' of hunger; my stomach's hollow!"
And so Esau sold his rights; Jacob later set his sights
Upon the blessing Isaac would pray
He pretended he was Esau, and his father couldn't see so
Jacob stole the blessing and ran away
After 20 years with Laban, well, the Lord spoke to Jacob:
"Take your family with you back to Canaan."
Jacob knew he'd meet his brother as he travelled through the dessert
He was scared, and I wouldn't blame him
And in the night he fought with a Man we think was God
He wrestled with him to the break of day
He took Jacob's hip and knocked it out of joint right at the socket
He blessed him, and He gave him this name

Genesis 35:10
God said to him, "Your name is Jacob, but you will no longer be called Jacob; your name will be Israel." So he named him Israel.