Crowd shot masthead ApologetiX Logo Keith Haynie plays bassBill Hubauer plays lead guitarJ. Jackson sings leadJimmy Vegas Tanner plays drums
61,564
as of July 4, 2020

<< Back to the fan club


Search Past News:

Sort by Relevance Date

Yesterday's News:

07.03.20How to Donate & How to Get Multiple MP3s
07.03.20Next CD Coming Soon: What's It Called?
07.03.20ApX Episode 128 This Weekend
07.03.20Bible Reading Update: Deuteronomy 22-Judges 6
07.03.20The 365-Day Album Challenge: Week 8
06.29.20New Single: '78 and '90
06.29.20Get 1300 Tracks for $100 This Week
06.29.20Get Multiple Downloads for One Donation
06.27.20Prayer Request from Fan with Aspergian Narcissim
06.26.20Clues for This Weekend's Single
06.26.20ApX USBs Contain Complete Catalog
06.20.20God Turns Prayer Request to Praise Report
06.20.20Here's an ApX Father's Day Playlist
06.20.20New Single: '67 & '84
06.18.20ApX Alum Keyboardist Releases New Album
06.13.20Watch ApX Accept Award Online Today
06.13.20Prayer Request for Kansas Pastor
06.13.20Clues for This Weekend's Single
06.05.20How to Donate Online or by Mail
06.01.20New Single: Sisters Side by Side (80's Ladies)
06.01.20Over 1300 Tracks for $100
05.29.20How to Help the Studio Where We Record (It's Free)
05.28.20Clues for This Weekend's Single
05.28.20Another New Video from Our 25th Anniversary Show
05.23.20The 365-Day Album Challenge
05.23.20Prayers for ApX Fan & Fiancée with COVID-19
05.21.20New Single: 2 More from Our 25th Anniversary Show
05.15.20Alphabet Super: ApX from A–Z (Again and Again)
05.11.20New Video from Our 25th Anniversary Show
05.08.20Here's an ApX Mother's Day Playlist
05.08.20New Single: 2 from Our 25th Anniversay Show
05.01.20ApX Webmaster Facing More Health Challenges
05.01.20Prayer Request from a Fan
05.01.20Bible-in-a-Year Finishes Next Tuesday
04.25.20Songs We're Working On While Staying at Home
04.25.20What J's Been Reading in 2020
04.18.20Whatever Happened to the 25th Anniv. Recordings?
04.13.20This Week's News Update: CD BOGO Ends Tonight
04.13.20New CD BOGO Ends Tonight
04.10.20J. Sings All of the #1 Songs from 1964-78 in Order in 25 Minutes
04.10.20ApX Easter Playlist Now on Spotify
04.07.20This Week's News Update: New USBs in Stock
04.03.20God Enables Fan to Help Others in Midst of COVID-19
04.03.20Passion Week Playlist: ApX Songs for the Season
04.02.20New Video from ApX 25th Anniversary Show
04.02.20Happy Birthday, Jimmy "Vegas" Tanner!
03.31.20This Week's News Update: New CD Sent to Fans
03.26.20New CD in Stock, Buy 1 Get 1 of 30 Free
03.24.20New Single: 70's Superstars in '69 & 83
03.22.20ApX Featured on Syndicated Canadian Radio
03.22.20Clues for Our Sixth Single of 2020
03.18.20We Need Help and Prayer (Bad Timing, Eh?)
03.15.20This Week's News Update
03.15.20ApX Awards Appearance Postponed
03.13.20Update on ApX Appearance at Kindred Awards
03.13.20Next CD Coming Soon: What's It Called?
03.13.20Grandpa Tinch: ApX Guitarist Celebrates New Arrival
03.09.20New Single: 60's Superstars
03.07.20Fans Love Our Latest Single
03.07.20Great Observations from the Great White North
03.07.20ApX to Receive Award on East Coast (You're Invited)
03.07.20Clues for Our Fifth Single of 2020
03.03.20Multiple MP3s for 1 Donation, Bible-Reading Update
02.28.20Condolences to ApX Guitarist Wayne Bartley
02.28.20ApX on Facebook, Including Keith Haynie Finally
02.27.20New Single: 70's & 80's Fun Pop
02.20.20Heavenly Half-Dozen: Encouragement from 6 States
02.20.20ApologetiX: That Christian Parent-y Band?
02.20.20An Open Letter from ApX Alum Keyboardist CVB
02.20.20Clues for 2020 Single #4
02.15.20Fans React to the New Single
02.15.20Tom Milnes to Return to Studio with ApX
02.11.20New Single: '75 & '85
02.07.20Clues for Our Third Single of 2020
02.07.20ApX Hits 2 Million Views on Christian Parody Music TV
02.07.20Donor Will Match All Donations Thru February 14
02.07.20Latest ApX CDs Now on iTunes, Other Digital Services
02.01.20From a Future Pastor/Missionary's Mom
02.01.20Encouragement from a Pastor in Illinois
02.01.20ApX Helps Michigan Pastor Overcome Discouragement
02.01.20New Donor Will Match All Donations Up to $5000
02.01.20ApX Helps Pastor in Kenya Overcome Fear
01.23.20New Single: '70 & '83
01.16.20Fan Will Match All Donations Up to $7500
01.16.20J. Gives Eulogy for His Dad
01.11.20Sad News from ApologetiX
01.07.20New CD BOGO Ends Tonight
01.04.20Webmaster Home from the Hospital
01.04.20ApX Guitarist Shares Testimony After Brain Surgery
01.02.20New Single: '64 & '79
01.02.20New CD BOGO Deadline Extended (Ends January 7)
12.28.19Webmaster Back in Hospital Yet Again
12.20.19Buy Our New CD, Get 1 of 30 CDs Free
12.20.19Want to Make Sure Your Package Was Shipped?
12.18.19New Single: '77 & '82
12.13.19Clues for Our 22nd Single of 2019
12.12.19More from Micah, ApX Alum on Amazon
12.11.19Order Soon to Ensure Christmas Delivery
12.11.19New CD in Stock and Shipped to Fans
12.06.19ApX Guitarist Doing Well After Serious Surgery

Van Ailin' II: Atomic Puns
Mon., May. 29. 2006 12:54pm EDT

We're glad to see we didn't lose too many of you with the "Van Ailin'" pun in last week's newsletter headline. Of course, unless you're a Van Halen fan, you might miss much of the mirth in this email we received in response:

"You really got me" with your story about the van - seems like you boys have been "running with the devil" in that thing for far too long. Thank God that it's not "D.O.A." or "on fire". With the way those "fools" were boxing you in, you're lucky it wasn't "bottom's up" in a ditch somewhere! Surely you have angels watching over you, which prevented a total "loss of control". "Could this be magic?" - no, it was definitely providential hand of God. It didn't hurt that Mr. Tanner was driving - it's hard to "top Jimmy".

Now when it comes to money, "everybody wants some" (heck, I want some too!). But I really believe in your ministry, so I'll take the money I was saving for my trip to "Panama" and send it to you. Hopefully soon you will be able to "runaround" in a new van instead of one that is always "in 'n' out" of the garage. Sorry that it's "not enough" to buy a whole new van, but I'm fresh out of "big fat money."

"Happy Trails" to you!

John "316" LaCasella

P.S. I'm sure I didn't have to explain that everything in quotes were titles of Van Halen tunes. Somehow they seemed to fit!


Jenn "Superchick" Kipp also chimed in with:

I am just glad that you all survived the encounter with the "Mean Street" and the "Aftershock" of the engine's "Eruption." I'm sorry that it's turning out to be such a "Big Bad Bill," and you know that if I had "Big Fat Money" it'd go toward the repair fund--but remember, the ministry can survive without the van, but it'd never be the same "Without You." So I'll keep on traveling "From Afar" to see you guys as many "Summer Nights" as I can--thanks for every chance to "Dance the Night Away" like we all did this weekend.


Our lead guitarist/producer, Karl Messner, responds:

Ever since, we let the new guy up front, "We can't drive 55."


Our lead singer/lyricist J. Jackson adds:

"The alternative to the new guy would be even more "Extreme." Besides, with Jimmy doing double duty driving and drumming, we've got the "best of both worlds" "right now" with the drummer of our "dreams." so there's no need to say "I'll wait" for someone else to "jump" into the mix.

Sorry, John and Jenn, I'm not saying, "You're no good" or not "good enough" at Van Halen puns. But your puns "take me back" to my Van Halen days, and I figured the amount you used were just "not enough," and "I'm the one" to "finish what ya started." That shouldn't surprise you "when it's love" for wordplay like this that started us doing parodies in the first place.


Editor's Note: We apologize for all the Van Halen puns, but we did give you "Fair Warning." We're sure we'll "hear about it later."